There are so many things in my mind and heart for a long time that I’ve been wanting to tell you.
I remember very clearly on the first day before meeting you, I questioned so much about love.
- “What is love?”
- “How does real love is?”
- “ What is like to be love?”
Honestly, I wasn’t really keen to meet you when we first met but after meeting you, you’ve turned my world upside down.
You once asked me if I’m physically attracted to you; truth is, you weren’t my cup of tea to begin with but a part of me wanted to stay. So, I saw more in you than just the outer which made me so attracted to you. I really admire you for just who you are; for simply being just you.
Somehow you have the inner charm that could just get any girls to fall for you easily. ( I hope you did not misuse your charm) You’ve always got this enthusiastic aura that just lights up the room whenever you’re around.
Sometimes I find that amongst the people I know, you’re the one I find myself wanting to share everything to – being able to talk from the crappiest things to something so deep & meaningful about life. You make me see things from a different perspective.
What really caught my heart is that you can be so generous, caring & loving. You’re always thinking of your loved ones- becoming the best version of yourself so you could provide so much for them. What I see in you is someone so selfless by putting the people you love as your priorities.
I feel sometimes you care so much about others that you haven’t had the time for yourself. I wish you could start loving yourself more & taking care of your wellbeing – emotionally too, which I believe you are. You’re always the pillar for others but what about yourself? Are you happy?
You’ve once questioned me where have I been all this time, hardly contacting or making an effort to get to know you. I wanted to be there for you at all times but I was afraid I’m not up to your standards. You’re someone charming, successful, & achieving so much in life that I don’t know how or what to give you in return; which is one of the reasons why I kept my distance. Honestly all these while, I was just being the best version of myself so I could give to you.
They said “I’m not good enough” is an excuse but to me, it is not when we put in actions to decide to be better & step up our level. So we could equally be the same- to be completely whole to give one another.
I know you’ve told me clearly we should be just friends, I lied to you when I agreed; I wanted to be more than just friends but I was afraid of being real & telling you how I actually feel because you’ve never told me your actual feelings towards me; I never got to know your real feelings.
I’ll admit, I did fall for you. I had my chances but I was afraid to give my all & because of my ego, I never did let my walls down. As soon as I realized how much you actually mean to me it was too late & you’ve found someone who could truly make you happy- you deserve to be.
I’m not going to lie, it hurts me so much that I sometimes wonder where, what or how did I go wrong.
When I asked, you never say anything or explain to me when all I ever wanted was for you to tell me how you exactly feel.
- Was I just a fling to you?
- Am I a rebound?
- I’m just not your kind of girl?
- You just wanted to have fun
Regardless if the truth will break or hurt me; at least explain to me so I know the truth. I deserve to know it even though it may break me. Trust me when I say I can handle it because I’ll know how to pick myself back up like I always do. All I ever wanted for you is to tell me the truth but all you did was just brushing it off.
You once said how you believe we met for a reason. I knew my reason for meeting you;
I don’t know what was your initial intention when you first met me but I knew what was mine – to feel what is “true love” like.
And you’ve taught me that, thank you.